I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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