Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
