the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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