I just made out with a guy for $7.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i would punch a child for taco bell
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
soo... how was my night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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