when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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