I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
