i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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