You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
