You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
