Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
