all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
