You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
