So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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