We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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