Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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