My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
