So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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