Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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