They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
