Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize