btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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