I love black thongs
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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