So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
