WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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