i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
