Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize