Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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