mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
