It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
