Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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