you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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