I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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