Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
