I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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