What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
