I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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