I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
