Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
