the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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