i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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