Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
