So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
