he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
