you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
