i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
