I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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