I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
