Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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