This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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