I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
