Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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