I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
