I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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