What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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