i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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