people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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