I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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