I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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