I just threw up on my dentist
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
