Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
