dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
