Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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