She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
