I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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