Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
