So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
